At age 82, any other woman would have retired in her small cottage house, after having enjoyed the better part of her life during her youthful days. But my mother who was very hard working did not relent in her effort, she rather persevered and made sure her dreams never went unfulfilled. She didn’t spare her favourite jazz music which was part of her entire life, most especially when she was feeling lonely.
She does almost everything by herself and calls me occasionally for help when she needed extra energy to lift any heavy object. She does all her domestic chores without any help, including cooking, washing as well as exercising her body each morning before taking her usual breakfast. This is an age whereby anybody would have given up in life and taken a rest. But surprisingly my mother was a very healthy mom who gives me some pieces of advice. I quite remember when she called me one early morning and told me to work very hard and take good care of her when she is incapacitated.
That was the day I realized that life was not as rosy as I thought it should be and so I have to shoulder that responsibility until she passes away. In our African culture parents normally depend on their children when they become old because there are no old age centers to care for them. My mother was very disciplinary and the wicked mom whom I thought she was when I was a kid and has to endure her training. As a family of six we weren’t particularly heroic as I remember, we were rather very cool and respectful. She raised us alone when our father was not available to take up the collective responsibility. Our father had abandoned us and had gone to our home town to inherit his brother’s property. That was not part of the usual system of inheritance in our custom and tradition, but the children of his late brother had asked my father to come home to inherit his brother’s estate. So he left us unceremoniously and went into the village while the entire family fell apart with every one trying to fend for himself. So his attention in caring for us was absent.
My mother who took up the responsibility was very strict in inculcating good family values and discipline in our life which had shaped our character towards the future. She was the definitive emotional focus for all of us as she was very bold to use the cane when we were at fault. She will cane us very furiously until we cried loud to disturb neighbours around. I do remember those days when she uses anything she lays her hands on to whip us regardless of the pain it inflicted on us. Now I’ve seen that she was the one who had kept us and everything together while having to deal with all kinds of frustrations which she never revealed to us until we grew up into adult. She told us about the family tree, some family members and how they tried to influence my father to marry another woman. In that case my father accepted their plan but she foiled the plan.
Dad’s attitude towards us was very inimical, when he left us for almost ten years during my childhood. He reappeared from no where to beg my mother to forgive and accept him back. My mother loves him very much despite his behaviour so she later accepted him but on one condition that, my father will pay up the accumulated schools fees of my siblings for the past ten years during his absent. He paid up the bills and bought four pieces of cloths for her which she accepted and allowed him into the family. Despite that I was not happy with him until after sometimes, because he has not treated us kindly atoll. When my mother slipped and fell into a hot cooking pot some twenty years ago, I was then fifteen years of age, and the only child who nursed her until she recovered from the pain. Even with that she was not discouraged in life, she successfully managed her own business with her limited educational background. The proceeds from her trading business had kept us going on in life for all this years; paying for our school fees and other bills in the house.
During the latter days in her life my mother celebrated her 80th birthday with a big fanfare. It was a day I will always recollect in my memory. It all started with a special church service at the Presbyterian Church followed by a grand durbar and the cutting of the giant birthday cake. The birthday cake was shaped in a heart-like form which was presented by our second brother on behalf of the children to signify our love for her.
Among the invitees were her contemporaries who thronged the party ground with the usual old fashion style which the young guys of today consider it archaic; but which seems to be resurfacing in this modern-day of dressing. During the cause of the gathering and while the music was blasting, one of the invitees got up and got hold of the microphone and offered to make a short speech to the audience. He recounted his youthful days when he proposed to marry my mother and when she refused. He persistently pressed on with the hope that my mother would eventually change her mind, but my mom did not accept her proposal. So he conducted an investigation only to realize that she was already engaged to my father. He became disappointed and this accounted for his inability to marry until after ten years, when he could no longer cope with the single life. He told the full story of their youthful days and the exciting memories of the past and how he got attracted to the beauty and admiration of my mother. He then drank two full glasses of whisky and opened the floor with an old-time sarcastic ‘boogie’ dance to the rhythm of the ‘highlife’ music, which was blasting from the two giant speakers. In fact I was very amazed at that fantastic dance which was called ‘old man boogie’ dance during their youthful days.
After that my mother also told her story about her struggle in taking care of us as well as attending to her business alone. This was an inspiration to other invitees who gave her a warm applause and encouraged her to continue with the struggle. Although she passed away, her memories can not be forgotten because she left a very strong mark for us to emulate and guide us in future.
